"Wisest is she who knows she does not know."
- Jostein Gaarder (Sophie's World)

Saturday, September 01, 2007

For Nick

i'm not quite sure what to think of Sr. year yet.
these first two weeks have been good, don't get me wrong, but idk how long that'll last. i've had this feeling that i can do just about anything, or get away with just about anything. (of course, that "getting away with anything" feeling got my car towed on tuesday, and i've been more careful now)
i have the feeling of "if i can just make it to here, i'll be good. now, if i can just make it to here, i'll be good. now.." etc. and again, i really don't know how far that'll take me. i've also been going more on instincts, and whatever i feel like at the time. it's not like i'm skipping school or anything. more like, when it comes to doing homework or something, which most of the time i don't want to do. and it's been alright these 1st 2 weeks because i haven't had much hw and i can continue my summer habits. but i'll probably get more soon, which won't be good.
but of course, i'd love for this to go on and be able to balance school work. i love the spontaneity of it.
this is probably all part of the mentality that i just want to get out of high school, send off my college apps, get accepted somewhere good and be set.

there's a couple science things i'd like to do. but that also means more work. which, right now i don't want to do. lol. but i know i'll regret it if i don't. of course, since i'm doing it my sr. year, it won't get on any college application. unless i win something before nov or jan. and idk if that'll happen. my top 3 schools i'm summiting my app before nov, so any science awards wouldn't be on there. it would mostly be for scholarships and personal satisfaction. and trust me, being surrounded by some really smart people, i would love some personal satisfaction in the science category.

i need a boy. it's been too long.